Peeping on Plastic: The Time I Got Caught Checking Out Barbie


You know when you’re a kid and you do all sorts of weird stuff that doesn’t seem weird at all. That is, it doesn’t seem weird until you’re older and you’re looking back on it with a real sense of “WTF?” When you’re at an age where you can see what a strange kid you were, then you think back to those moments with a little bit of a wince. Don’t play around. I know that you know what I mean.

I think one whole side of my brain is packed with those sorts of cringe-inducing memories. Seriously, man, I’m fairly certain I spent more time embarrassing myself than I did anything else. Perfect example: the day I got caught looking up the shirts of my next door neighbor’s Barbies.

First of all let me say that it wan’t my fault. If you’re going to go sticking a young boy like me in a room by himself with a scantily clad Barbie doll then you better not be shocked when he wants to see what she’s got going on under that bikini top. My mom, of course, disagreed with that assessment of the situation. She was all, “How could you do something like that?” when the neighbor girl’s mom called to have her come and get me. Really, mom? How could I? I think the better question is, “How could I not look up the bikini top?” As far as an eight-year old boy is concerned, Barbie–in all her various incarnations–is a stone-cold fox.

And now for something completely creepy: a 21-year old Ukrainian girl who let a plastic surgeon chop her up to look more like Barbie. Yeck.