Envy is a Mothertrucker

Sometimes I can be a real envious dude. Like, real envious. Not about everything — I’m not that much of a jerk — just the really big stuff. The stuff I want so bad it makes my chest ache like I’m thirteen and I just spotted the girl I’m crushing on. Publishing a book is one of them. The biggest, actually. There’s a few other crossroads-at-midnight type of desires bouncing around in my head, but publishing a book is def the Big Bopper.

You might not admit to it, but if you fancy yourself a writer — or just human, for that matter — then you’ve almost certainly been bit by old Green Eyes himself. You know what I’m talking about, you old humany so and so. It’s that stitch in the pit of your stomach, or the knot between your shoulders when you see somebody getting something you want — nay, need — for yourself. Maybe you know them personally. Then again, maybe not. Either way, I’d bet a handful of my teeth that you’d spit on their neck if you could get away with it. Hell, maybe you’d even get caught if it meant sticking it to that S.O.B. Don’t deny it. You know I’m right.

So why do I bring up this feeling that everyone has but can’t own up to because for Heaven’s Sake, what would people think? Well, friends, I went to the movies last night and found myself chest deep in a kick-out-your-teeth brand of Envy when I saw the film version of a very popular book. I thought about how Mr. Fancy Author was probably swimming like Scrooge McDuck through a swimming pool of money while I can’t string enough words together for a first draft. Man, that pisses me off. Maybe it wouldn’t have sucked for me so much had the movie been bad.

Now before you all tell me to lay off the Haterade®, let me explain why I’m even bringing up this whole shizbiz. You might think I’m crazy as firecrackers in a swimming pool, but I think envy is a kick-ass motivation tool to get some damn ass work done. No bullspit, friend. That is, so long as I hold tight to that sincere desire to prove myself just as good, dammit.

Why does this matter, you’re probably not asking. Well, for the next few months I’m in a position where I can spend a good chunk of my time on the story I’ve been dying to write but have had dick for time to put into it. Now with some hours free and a whole lot of desire to prove myself to someone who doesn’t know I exist, I can work on this project the way it deserves. I’m pumped to see where it goes because my writing game has been on suck status for a grip.  I’m just hoping that two parts hard work and one part envy will be enough to produce something readable. We’ll see how that whole shazam works out in the coming weeks.

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