What’s good, yo?

So it’s been a hot minute since I knocked the dust off the old bloggity blog, but since my wifey and her friend are plowing through some episodes of True Blood with our munchkin I thought I’d use some of this ever-so-rare free time to stretch out the old writing muscles and post an update to what’s been going down with me lately. In bullet form, of course.

  • BABY: Having a munchkin is pretty much the best thing there is. In four months she has gone from a skinny little critter that could barely see me to this perfect little giggling specimen of babyhood. Aside from waving her arms like a crazy person and slobbering all over me, she has also begun some serious attempts at rolling over onto her stomach without daddy’s help. Yeah, man. She’s doing big things.
  • GRADUATE SCHOOL: My application for nurse practitioner school has been submitted so now there’s nothing to do but wait until January to see if I get an interview. I’m still taking classes to try and bulk up my science cred (organic chemistry and molecular biology are my frenemies this quarter) but I’m officially a contender for the grand prize of a seat in the class of 2017. Here’s to hoping I haven’t wasted a bunch of Uncle Sam’s loot with all this G.I. Bill I’ve been cashing in on.
  • WRITING: The lack of posts on this blog should be indicative of how often I’ve been writing. I’ve been a science/math machine this last year and a half, maintaining a GPA around 3.8, but that has definitely cost me any free time I might have to put towards writing. Toss in my new parental duties and I end up having even less time than I did before, which doesn’t even seem possible. I tap the keys a bit between quarters but any writer will tell you the only way to get better at storytelling is to do it a lot. And by “a lot” I mean, you know, all the damn ass time.

That’s all there is for now. I have an exam in molecular bio on Tuesday that I’m feeling pretty good about but I definitely need to keep studying for. Then I’ve got to do a grip of shiz biz in the lab to because my class is taking part in a research project with Washington State University. We’re trying and track down this gene in a particular strain of Pseudomonas Fluorescens that might have a big impact on resistance to this wicked nasty root disease called Take-All. Pretty interesting if you’re into sciencey stuff.

Finally, I want to leave you all with my new favorite anti-joke from this thread on r/AskReddit. Props to u/jailbrooks1 for this perfectly anti-joke.

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?” And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.”

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?” To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”

The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little — when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

“The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.’

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’

“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills — I mean, I was loaded!

“So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’

“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

“The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.'”

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.